Waiting For the Next Turn


This journey with autism has been a real roller coaster ride. Sometimes the ride is fun, and other times I get terrified that the ride won’t stop. It won’t you know, but it does keep changing so you never really know if it’s going to get better on the next turn. Hope keeps you sane when you don’t know what else to do.

Like everything, there are good days and bad days. For instance, I wonder what the neighbors think was going on in our house last night. It was one of those nights when Teghan just wouldn’t go to bed. She wanted to go to bed. She wanted to be in her room, at least. But what she does is run frantically back and forth- screaming, giggling, kicking the door, pounding on the windows, and knocking all of her furniture over. She seems so happy to do this.

The hardest part of this for us is that communication has no effect. I mean, if we tell her to get in bed she will, but she will be cracking up laughing the whole time. She will get up within seconds, and she is like a train that can’t be stopped. The hysterical laughing and screaming are what send us over the edge. And the helplessness. 

Some nights she goes to bed just fine. She just climbs into bed and quietly goes to sleep.

On top of this, for some reason she has been going to the bathroom in her room again. We thought we left that behind a long time ago. Surprise! It’s back. And she has begun saying the word “no” on a constant loop. Sometimes she switches to goat noises.

It’s times like this that the nonverbal issue really strikes us the hardest. It’s frustrating to try and guide your child when you can’t use words. She only understands language in a very basic sense, so she can’t be reasoned with. She doesn’t get most nonverbal cues and she can’t read emotion. Honestly, we often feel like we have nothing to work with. It makes it difficult to believe we aren’t screwing this whole thing up.

Well, perspective is ever-changing, so I won’t spend too much time digging myself into a hole over this. Some days are rougher than others; I guess you just have to hold out for the next turn.


6 thoughts on “Waiting For the Next Turn

  1. Pingback: What Inspires You? | Waiting on a Word

  2. I admire your strength as a mother. I have worked for years with adults with autism, verbal and nonverbal, and in more recent years, with children on the spectrum. I found myself feeling so often exhausted with both of us trying to communicate with each other, but neither of us speaking the others language, so to speak. I cannot imagine how much strength it must take to work through daily struggles. I have great respect for your positivity to hang on for the next turn, the next good moments.
    It is clear, reading your blog, how much you love your wonderful girl.
    Hoping all the best for your family.

  3. Pingback: 30 Days of Autism | Singing in Public

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