Thank You. I Represent the Emotionally Awkward.

Teghan Looking out Window

My post about what 365 days might bring was meant to be the post to let everyone know what has been happening recently. I made an announcement about being pregnant once we hit the second trimester, so somehow I had to explain why I wasn’t pregnant anymore. And to be honest, I have no interest in going into a lot of detail about it beyond that. This is an autism parenting blog, after all- a topic I keep to for at least every other post, right?

But I have to address the amazing responses I received, mostly private, from friends and blog followers. I feel terrible that I was not in a place to immediately respond to all of them. Many of you sent me kind words. Many of you told me about your own experience with miscarriage or infertility. While I am still wrapping my mind around the experience, I know it’s the infertility factor that is a little harder to accept. I actually laughed when the doctor said to call him immediately if I find out I am pregnant again. But I learned to accept it once before, and I will get there again. A few of you truly understand that. Some of you had no experience at all, but took the time to try to find the words anyway. Or took the time just to say you didn’t have any words.

So I want to say thank you to all of you. I feel as if I owe you all some kind of return heartfelt story, but it turns out I am emotionally challenged. So I am going to confess to that instead. My coworker will really appreciate this. She desperately tries to pry emotion out of me, and this is as close as she will get. I will continue to deny her hug requests. Forever.

This past month has been troubling at best. I would like to blame it all on hormones, but I know it is a little more than that. I’m not worried, because it seems I have been drenched in proof that everyone has it worse than I do. In the past three years, this probably ranks number three on my “sometimes life is bad” list. Still, in spite of a determined effort to avoid any moments of being left alone with my thoughts, I have failed- at least twice a day, every day. But in those moments of failure I have managed to work out a few things about my world.  Continue reading

In Case I Forget to Say Thank You

 

Facebook is a strange human experiment in friendship.

In some ways it really shines. It keeps me in touch with family members, who I may otherwise have let too much time pass without contact. It keeps me in the loop of my friends from Illinois since moving back to Michigan (and with the ones who have also spread elsewhere throughout the country and world). It allows me to meet new people from all walks of life and make connections that were never before possible.

It also changes the natural course of things as we knew it. If you are of a certain age, that is. Suddenly friends who had drifted out of our lives are there again. Which is great….and weird. Because some of these familiar strangers, whose children I have never even met, know some of my deepest secrets. Some of these now casual acquaintances once knew me better than I knew myself, and it went both ways. You know who you are.

And then there are the misunderstandings and expectations of each other. Some people like to share in this type of platform, and others do not. Some people like to watch it all unfold from their secret little corner. Some of us take risks, seek approval, or hold our own approval up as some kind of prize to be won. Some of us care, and others- not so much.  Continue reading